Thursday, July 5, 2012

u give urself an excuse to tlk to other bitches dat dnt care for u or love how i do by saying were young my mama said i shudnt be as close to u or kno all ur personal info but u had sumthing to hide n still do u give ur self excuses to do what u do cus jus like it took u so long to find a good faithful girl that was actully decent looking if we was to break up it may take a while but ull find another but what if u dnt what if u fuk dis up jus cus u make excuses to do dirt thats like an athist say i dnt belive n God as an excuse to do whatever da fuk dey want n life wit no regreat or remorse u a child a god so he kno u kno better yea u wit me evryday n it does say alot but liveing seacret lives behind someones back is straight up cowardly if u dnt wanna be wit me then dont im not forceing u if u dnt see ur life wit me den dnt waste ur youth on me see this my thing yea im young but i dnt wanna be 30 lookin for love n were most men fuk up is when dey got sumone good but fuk up den ur 30 years old perveing on 18 year olds girls lookin at u like wtf yo old dryed up ball sack lookin at cus dats how i be i hate when an old as man try to holla at me smh im totaly n completely faithfukl niggas spaming my inbox ex dat destroyed me want me back now i find dat really funny but owell but i want what god plan a family a house n a food to feed them everynight n to enjoy life while here waiting to get to heaven nawl im not perfect yea ima crybaby yea i tend to feel sorry for myself n i know plp dnt wanna here dat shit n ruin plps mode n everytime i applogized cus i can be overdramtic n extra emotional but im human my heart is big i rather cry then be angry n end up smake kicking or fightin sumbdy i rather cry then to yell say mean things i rather cry then to drink or smoke my pain away i rather cry then hold it n then jus snaping n end up killing sumbdy ing does not show weakness it shows streath shows that ur vonarable enough to show that ur really human smh my life isnt that hard sumtimes i make it hard but i also wonder were wud plp be if i was never here never born ughh i always ramble n get off topic but y make excuses for wrong doin like what im doing is fine u never know what the future may bring yea tru u never know by effin over sumone so good to u ok im done my min d went blank guess im ready to sleep dats all for now

Thursday, June 28, 2012

it'll be ok

its weird life sucks right now i dk how to feel n idk how others feel i am talkin shit on dis blog that no one reads once again i cud pray but man i wanna anwser huu what i spose to do im thinkin his feelings for me or fadeing or he jus flat out tierd of me i kno im no fun like i use to be i dnt fuk him like he want me to but damn everythime i have sex i feel guilty cus i dnt wanna go to hell n i cant ask him to stick not haveing sex out wit me untill marriage he not even sure if he wanna marry me any more every sencce dat day wit dat shit hit da fan n erthang change i found myself kissing ass jus so he wont leave me but i did nothing wrong i was jus holding on to anger cus he did me wrong y was it so bad for me to be mad cus of sum bullshit he did to me ughhh love is stupid but i love him i love lookin at him n being wit him n lystening to him freestyle annoying raps its crazy n it makes me laf we litterly sit around n do nothing all day wasteing away our youth cus we have no money nothing we only have each other yea we got our fam but u kno how that go but i been takein care of him n he been takeing care of me sometimes i think we gotta long way to go but i dnt wanna be wasteing mine time n he dont see hisself wit me for eternity maybe day question isnt fair well cud he see his self wit anyone else is a more fair question n my anwser to dat question is no i cant see myself witha anyone else y cus i see myself n him been sayin it sence day one but he dnt see it he jus se his self and then there is me how to feel cus he never make it clear how he feel so i can do is assume n when u assume u make an ass out of me n u duh ok whatever whatelse i jus needa kno that he loves me he thinks im beautiful smart n not jus whatever he think i am i know my worth my older female fam ask me do u think if he was to leave u u cudnt find another man n no i know i can find another man i get niggas erkin me everyday n i can do lil shit to have niggas running to me anyday but i dnt want dem i dnt need them the thing is i want him i feel in love wit him not his dick not he raps or beat i feel in love wit him when he had nothing to something back to nothing im the his woman im his back bone i dnt got no job but i do what i can i give him what he want when he want n in return i want him to accept the fact ima female ima bicth cry n holla when i dnt get my way y cus he get his ok im done for now ill be back i jus wanna bawl up under him n feel protected from the world but do he really want it or do he think oh dis jus for now i can do better yea maybe he can but im the best me n i want him to accept dat accept me for the bipoler lazy hungry clinggy needy crybaby ass girlfriend i am but i will also do anything for him n i mean dat shit

Saturday, May 5, 2012

secreat life

soooo i jus dnt kno what to do he been liveing this secreat fantcy life behind my back n what i do love him ive caought him a few times and forgivein him but i jus got on his email n read how much he wanna fuk so n so how much he love such n such how much he mis dis bitch n dat bitch n he wonder y i go off the way i do n he get mad for goin off on me finna dump me over the problem he caused when i stuck by his side threw good n bad i love dis man so much so im gonna ignore n leave it n da past but i need vent i needa say sumen but im not im jus say fuk it but i jus dnt want da shit to build up my anger n hurt get the best of me so i go off n extream ways but how am i spose to handle a nigga doin dirt behind my back claiming he love me when he sayin he love n miss these otha bitches im like really how wud u feel if i fuked wit all the niggas dat ever wanted to tlk to me while we were togetha u wud be mad as fuk u wud be hurt unless u really dnt love me i cant depend on my family socity dnt like me cant even get a fukin job please tell me am i a bad person im so ready to give up on love and life cus im jus 20 i got a long way to go n its not gone get any easir my worst fear is to be a 40 year old bitter female no kids no husband pussy drying up n no one will ever love me n i been praying the same pray sence i was lil bring me somebdy dat will love me for me be der for me no matter what n ill do the same every single realationshipi give my all to a man n dey take my pussy n thorw da rest wit the fukin trash like all i wanna do is love sumbdy n dey love me back no riches no golds no pearls all i want is a husband a family a home n food to feed dem everynite things dnt make me happpy plp make me happy but at the same time plp drive me mad n it only hurts so much cus i love em so much maybe my heart shud grow cold n i not care no more plp arnt gone want dat dey def gone hate me den cus dey neva really love one does cus u cant treat sumbdy u love wit sum disreespect ughhh i hate myself cus im to sensitive n i love to much all the messy as bitches sending pics to him when hes my boyfriend n now he regreat ever being wit me i jus wish if he feel like im holding back leave me n let me go so i can find dat person dat will love me n me only i pray everyday dat he loves me like i love him i look at him n think how beautiful but im sexy there for he jus think about sex when he see me i wanna be beautiful or gorgeous not sexy fine or bad i dnt wanna be someone jus to fuki wanna be loved i been gettin fuked all my life smh ill be happy one day..i promise i will
what happens when ur traped n ur own mind thinkin of nothing but the bad im really negative person it makes nunen at all better n im holding on to nunen but my faith n God n sum times i get really scared to think theres is not god and then i cry extreamly cus i feel bad mann i jus dnt kw what to do
im weak im not as strong as the others nothing ever goes the way i need to go i stop a long time ago wanting things to go my way cus it never happens i dnt know whats wrong wit me idk what i did so bad n my past dat im jus so fuked up today plp has did more wrong then i have but they seem like there life is better den mine...maybe im jus ungreatful stupid or blind maybe its on sum shit look greener on the other side type shit i jus wish plp wud love me as much as i love dem i feel dey use me till im all dried up n leave me for dead....pause ill cum back

Saturday, April 28, 2012

ok so wat now i kno i bitch i kno i complain smh shud i give up shud i waste a whole nother year like i did wit sean? smh ion kno i love him i love him more then i loved sean n dis blog knew how much i love sean how crazy i went i love me n i kno my worth dats y i spaze out when plp hurt me im like wat the fuk did i do smh i kno wat i did all dis is karma on wat i use to do when i was wit sean all we did was have sex he wud fuk me n take me back home smh wat the fuk n i did it cus i love him he confused lust wit love so he told me he love me so me thinkin lust is love i sent all these naked pics to these girls gay phase when everyone ask was i gay never had sex wit a gurl but i was gay as fuk so wit that cums which cums me thinkin its lust i masterbated everyday all day nonstop cus u kno dat was da only way i didnt feel empty so now dis is my karma but diffrence is i love drew sean didnt love me sean never saw me im always around drew doin wateva pleses him like really doin wateva he want then he do dis n i hurt den i do dat n i hurt n he do it again again again then again do i say fuk it n get over n love him cus its no physical dats da only reason i havent left or givein up or lose love but den he go see this freaky ass old bitch man really y wud he tlk to her or wanna fuk her or be wit her or leave me for her when u 26 n u doin shit 16 year olds do sending niggas u dnt kno naked pics wat that say about wat kinda female she is i understand he had to vent n i mean i do the same but ion go see the plp ion go getin naked dick pics n i was to try to get even n do the same i wud be a lpw dwn bitch y do i always end up applogizeing cus i love so i cant lose but im finna say fuk it cus i anit got the energy i wanna build a life n family wit this man but now he feel diffrent y cus niggas n his ear say so he may break up wit me n regreat it forever me ill keep workin on it as long as he dnt stick his dick n anywere else if that happen i pray it dnt then im leaveing n not cumin back n sean think im cumin back i will never look at u the same y shud i settle for the shit when they wudnt it anit fair i kno my worth i kno ima good person plz kno dis i will never cheat on drew n dey say never say never y cus im women enough to make the right chose love shud make u think naw i love dis girl i cant do her like did when u findburself n a fuk sitiuation he went to go see her n i lety ex cum seee me ok i givr him dat n it was cool seeing sean but the whole time i thought about him n his fam n friends got sum fukin nerve dis nigga cheated on me but im the crazy bitch for takein my anger out the way i did smh i jus got mad ughh finna pray n ask god for contentness n sanity smh fml for now anyway i hope drew n my love advance n grow instead of fukin up n fadeing jus gotta keep folks out my biz i told god if he bring drew back to me i wudnt fuk u so if i get angry or sad or mad blog u will be seeing me i deserve real love it suck to kno no matter wat or hpw much a nogga lovebu dey g gone cheat or fuk up smh ok im do foreal goodnite well good a.m God plz bless ya boi (me)