Saturday, May 5, 2012

secreat life

soooo i jus dnt kno what to do he been liveing this secreat fantcy life behind my back n what i do love him ive caought him a few times and forgivein him but i jus got on his email n read how much he wanna fuk so n so how much he love such n such how much he mis dis bitch n dat bitch n he wonder y i go off the way i do n he get mad for goin off on me finna dump me over the problem he caused when i stuck by his side threw good n bad i love dis man so much so im gonna ignore n leave it n da past but i need vent i needa say sumen but im not im jus say fuk it but i jus dnt want da shit to build up my anger n hurt get the best of me so i go off n extream ways but how am i spose to handle a nigga doin dirt behind my back claiming he love me when he sayin he love n miss these otha bitches im like really how wud u feel if i fuked wit all the niggas dat ever wanted to tlk to me while we were togetha u wud be mad as fuk u wud be hurt unless u really dnt love me i cant depend on my family socity dnt like me cant even get a fukin job please tell me am i a bad person im so ready to give up on love and life cus im jus 20 i got a long way to go n its not gone get any easir my worst fear is to be a 40 year old bitter female no kids no husband pussy drying up n no one will ever love me n i been praying the same pray sence i was lil bring me somebdy dat will love me for me be der for me no matter what n ill do the same every single realationshipi give my all to a man n dey take my pussy n thorw da rest wit the fukin trash like all i wanna do is love sumbdy n dey love me back no riches no golds no pearls all i want is a husband a family a home n food to feed dem everynite things dnt make me happpy plp make me happy but at the same time plp drive me mad n it only hurts so much cus i love em so much maybe my heart shud grow cold n i not care no more plp arnt gone want dat dey def gone hate me den cus dey neva really love one does cus u cant treat sumbdy u love wit sum disreespect ughhh i hate myself cus im to sensitive n i love to much all the messy as bitches sending pics to him when hes my boyfriend n now he regreat ever being wit me i jus wish if he feel like im holding back leave me n let me go so i can find dat person dat will love me n me only i pray everyday dat he loves me like i love him i look at him n think how beautiful but im sexy there for he jus think about sex when he see me i wanna be beautiful or gorgeous not sexy fine or bad i dnt wanna be someone jus to fuki wanna be loved i been gettin fuked all my life smh ill be happy one day..i promise i will
what happens when ur traped n ur own mind thinkin of nothing but the bad im really negative person it makes nunen at all better n im holding on to nunen but my faith n God n sum times i get really scared to think theres is not god and then i cry extreamly cus i feel bad mann i jus dnt kw what to do
im weak im not as strong as the others nothing ever goes the way i need to go i stop a long time ago wanting things to go my way cus it never happens i dnt know whats wrong wit me idk what i did so bad n my past dat im jus so fuked up today plp has did more wrong then i have but they seem like there life is better den mine...maybe im jus ungreatful stupid or blind maybe its on sum shit look greener on the other side type shit i jus wish plp wud love me as much as i love dem i feel dey use me till im all dried up n leave me for dead....pause ill cum back