secreat life

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what happens when ur traped n ur own mind thinkin of nothing but the bad im really negative person it makes nunen at all better n im holding on to nunen but my faith n God n sum times i get really scared to think theres is not god and then i cry extreamly cus i feel bad mann i jus dnt kw what to do

im weak im not as strong as the others nothing ever goes the way i need to go i stop a long time ago wanting things to go my way cus it never happens i dnt know whats wrong wit me idk what i did so bad n my past dat im jus so fuked up today plp has did more wrong then i have but they seem like there life is better den mine...maybe im jus ungreatful stupid or blind maybe its on sum shit look greener on the other side type shit i jus wish plp wud love me as much as i love dem i feel dey use me till im all dried up n leave me for dead....pause ill cum back

ok so wat now i kno i bitch i kno i complain smh shud i give up shud i waste a whole nother year like i did wit sean? smh ion kno i love him i love him more then i loved sean n dis blog knew how much i love sean how crazy i went i love me n i kno my worth dats y i spaze out when plp hurt me im like wat the fuk did i do smh i kno wat i did all dis is karma on wat i use to do when i was wit sean all we did was have sex he wud fuk me n take me back home smh wat the fuk n i did it cus i love him he confused lust wit love so he told me he love me so me thinkin lust is love i sent all these naked pics to these girls gay phase when everyone ask was i gay never had sex wit a gurl but i was gay as fuk so wit that cums which cums me thinkin its lust i masterbated everyday all day nonstop cus u kno dat was da only way i didnt feel empty so now dis is my karma but diffrence is i love drew sean didnt love me sean never saw me im always around drew doin wateva pleses him like really doin wateva he want then he do dis n i hurt den i do dat n i hurt n he do it again again again then again do i say fuk it n get over n love him cus its no physical dats da only reason i havent left or givein up or lose love but den he go see this freaky ass old bitch man really y wud he tlk to her or wanna fuk her or be wit her or leave me for her when u 26 n u doin shit 16 year olds do sending niggas u dnt kno naked pics wat that say about wat kinda female she is i understand he had to vent n i mean i do the same but ion go see the plp ion go getin naked dick pics n i was to try to get even n do the same i wud be a lpw dwn bitch y do i always end up applogizeing cus i love so i cant lose but im finna say fuk it cus i anit got the energy i wanna build a life n family wit this man but now he feel diffrent y cus niggas n his ear say so he may break up wit me n regreat it forever me ill keep workin on it as long as he dnt stick his dick n anywere else if that happen i pray it dnt then im leaveing n not cumin back n sean think im cumin back i will never look at u the same y shud i settle for the shit when they wudnt it anit fair i kno my worth i kno ima good person plz kno dis i will never cheat on drew n dey say never say never y cus im women enough to make the right chose love shud make u think naw i love dis girl i cant do her like did when u findburself n a fuk sitiuation he went to go see her n i lety ex cum seee me ok i givr him dat n it was cool seeing sean but the whole time i thought about him n his fam n friends got sum fukin nerve dis nigga cheated on me but im the crazy bitch for takein my anger out the way i did smh i jus got mad ughh finna pray n ask god for contentness n sanity smh fml for now anyway i hope drew n my love advance n grow instead of fukin up n fadeing jus gotta keep folks out my biz i told god if he bring drew back to me i wudnt fuk u so if i get angry or sad or mad blog u will be seeing me i deserve real love it suck to kno no matter wat or hpw much a nogga lovebu dey g gone cheat or fuk up smh ok im do foreal goodnite well good a.m God plz bless ya boi (me)

He loves me he loves me not

whos out der dare any body lysten to what i got to say maybe not cus its kinda sorta crazy n my brain only i can put togetha such words dey make me look like i sound kinda good i wanna go there to that place were im happy were im herd were the plp celabrate me sining on my self but as i feel it it feel good but it hurt i learnd to fall madly inlove wit the pain he cut me he burned me n i moaned wit pleaseure i beged him to stop oohhhhh no dnt stop keep goin stab me again set my soul afire brreak my heart breat my heart treat me as if im nothing i love the pain ill love u jus killl me jus slice up my arm like u did heart i usta cud tell the diffrece between pain and pleasure only thing that keeps me goin is the repetion of 1 Corinthians 13:4 in my head n i kw he loves me n i kw love isnt spose to hurt!

Dreaming so vividly

i had a dream i was runnin from 4 young men n they were tryna rape me i kept runing so fast untill i realized i was dreamin so i jus jumped of the 5o story building i was running arnd becus for sum reason that was the only way...and dreammoods says if you are running from an attacker or any danger, then it suggests that you are not facing and confronting your fears but i dnt kw what it cud besides growing up n liveing life there is no drastic drama n my life at the moment im n skool i have all the wrks n un heartbroken kinda but its like im liveing and settlein for less n i jus go that feelin were i wanna be done with life already cus im stuck settlein for less n i hate it....there was alot more goin on such as jumping over shit like super women which means that i will eventually achieve your desires and goals after some effort and struggle.but thats the problem i dnt wanna try i jus want it all handed to me but i guess i kw what dis mean huh?? till later i guess

bleedin rainbows

ok so ima try my best to find a free art class n chattanooga i need it like da air i breath bein creative is soo fukin expencive but i need to do sum other kid of expression besides takein pics of myself i think its become an obbseccion dat personally im tierd of cus i keep takein pics n i never get the disired result im goin be a famous artist one day ...i gotta b thats gonna b my mission this summer try to find a job make dat best outa skool n make what i do best n give it a story hmmmm dats it for now this the last regular post fashion to cum to cum to cum