finally free

i loved him i cried over him he broke my heart i cursed him i hated him but the lord he love me he here my cry he heal my broken heart cus i came to him now that otha guy im able to forgive him but the memory refuse to stay n da abbys of my mind i guess ill rember it as a lesson learnd ......he used and abouse me many times and i allowed him to i loved him more than anything in this wolrd ....my feelins writein n dis blog entry doesnt hurt that much n things arnt flowing out like they usally do i guess becuse i prayed n he took all my anger n hurt away im ok im beautiful ....IM FINALLY FREE .... ....now i can smile and really mean it ....im here to say im gonna now on live a life of c becus i will never make that mistake ever again i will have sumone truly n honestly fall madly inlove wit me cus i know i deserve it n God knows thats all i truly want !!!

my heart hurt

i anit got no weed so i guess ill write in dis stupid as blog n vent goshlee i hate how im feelin rite now i recently kwit smokein i anit smoked since da nite of my last blog called smoke free but i cud really use a blunt rite now idk y i feel like i need sumbdy im jus so tierd of bein lonley i been tryin to have sex wit a certain dude but he anit havein it n den i be like fuk it n try to do sumbdy else i cant even bring myself to fukin do it its like i cant even sin if i wanted to like im tryna get a blunt n its like sumen want let me get one my ex i recently deleted out my life i think i put dat n my last blog if not here it go i told him i was still in love wit him n i dnt wanna b his friend or buddy he ttlk to every otha mounth man fuk dat he got me to the point were i feel im not good enuf for anybody i dnt got lowself esteem cus im too full of myself but im sho is damn sad as fuk n the weed i been tryna get to wuda took all these bad feelins away n as i write dis i deiscover y my daddy a crack mybe jus maybe he was jus like me always felt pain n the drug came n took it away im sittin here jus 19 dependin on dis drug cus plp keep hurtin me plp keep breakin me dwn i get up n feel great for a while den back dwn i go mannnn damn i got dreams like wtf ima artist ima fashion designer im famous im rich ...welll at least not yet but im sayin i beeen prayin i been prayin i been prayin what do i do nxt this shit crazy all i wanna do is cry i wish i had sumone to lysten i kw i can tlk to god but he wont tlk back sumone of this earth that really gives any kind a fuk about me to make me feel loved ....i jus wanna cry i want sumbdy to hold me n tell me its ok im tierd of physcin myself up jus feel like shit da nxt day i gotta fukin headace n i feel like shit on a stick rite now i honsetly jus wanna die im already dead inside u my say u can be cus u got to much to say well my muthafukin heart hurt can u help me plz cus literly my heart has been feelin like sumbody is squezzein it to death ...

smoke free

so im at skool now done fuked up n wlked out damn near cused out my teacher on dat sleepy shit cus a nigga was high so im tryna kwit for many reasons n dis one ben one more im not tryna look old im too damn full of my self for dat n da worse thing is dat i jus use dudes dat use me for their weed im jus glad im da smart one out of the dudes i take weed from cus i get what i want which is weed n dey neva get what dey want cus i keep me a good excuse..sex is what dey want but im not wit dat shit n im so ova dis shit im dealin wit dats y im bout to kwit ....ight im out bout to go back to class i guess jus had to tlk to sumbdy who cares ....anybody dat read dis damn blog...

gahh wat to damn do

ok so i got dis dang on blog so ima put dis bitch more to use ....ok so to anyone dat cares im n da healin process days are gettin better slowly but sure im tryna cut dis person dat has left scars apon my heart go n let em go forever or untill the scars fade gosh i dnt kw what to do but he wont let me let go but at da same time he only wants me when he feel its convintient for him ...uhhh im scared whats gonna happen dis summer hes gonna come back home n gonna want me to be wit him ...ok ion wanna tlk about him any more i wanna tlk about my sis den again mayb not cus i mite start cryin n im already sick n ion wanna deal wit dat shit ok maybe nxt time..finna sleep now

some thoughts

damn i got dandruff like a muthafuka y blog dis idk i jus write dwn what comes out n dats what came thogh it got nunen to do what im bout to tlk about uhhhh...so man i find myself tryna fakk inlove with any and everybody the last post i figrued dat out but my bruh bruh reinsured me of what i already knew im very selfcentered so im well aware of my self so i kw im n da healin process so now dick for me is off limet cus i fukied uo n confuse lust wit love so im tryna find me again learn to fall in love wit me again ...uhh dats it for now i decided not to write everything on fb my family thinks im fukin phyco shid maybe i am but i kw im fukin missunderstood by most plp but the plp that embrace my diffrences fall in love wit me everyone else jus fear what de dnt kw shid fine by me cus i grow attached to plpto kwik n if dey do me wrong i cry for a long time so im startin to ramble so ill end it here...wish i had a blunt

kwit fukin me deep bitch

i jus imagaine how betta i cuda been if i had ur love if i was never forced to get fuked by him him and him if u loved me the way i neeedded to i only felt love when i felt the dick in me see i fuked up and confused love wit sex i wanna dick but hurt so bad i wanted love so much but it hurt so bad sumen i want so much shud neva hurt dis bad .....u were the first man to break my heart i cant do nunen bout it nitha can u but u dnt deserve me u forgot to love me so u wont here from me till my heart is healed....u got that power that i refuse to give to any other guythe power to keep me from movein on the power of self destrution they say shudnt blame u n rise above yo faults ...

BitterSweet Beauty

who the world wants me to be/who i wanna be